K Coming Into Focus

• Jakob: Mama, on Christmas Eve, can we stay up and take a picture when Santa gets here?
• Me: Oh, I don't think we can do that... Santa only shows up once every one is asleep.
• Jakob: Why?
• Me: He doesn't like to be seen while he's delivering gifts.
• Jakob: Why?
• Me: Well... uh... Because Santa doesn't give gifts so that he can be a rockstar to kids... he just gives gifts because he wants every one to be happy. He doesn't want the credit for being the one to bring the gifts...
• Jakob: Why?
• Me: Okay, Jakob, it's like this -- Santa doesn't want to be seen because technically, to bring gifts, he has to break into our house... which is illegal. And he doesn't want to go to jail.
• Jakob: (without a moment's hesitation) It's not breaking in if we leave him a key.
• Me: (realizing that we do actually leave out a magical key since we don't have a chimney) Eat your breakfast.

This was sent home today as an example of Jakob not following directions. Instead of writing about a community helper, Jakob wrote about talking toilets.

:)

Does it make me a bad mother that I think this is hysterical and I actually love that he did this? I mean, come on… look at the drawing… that is an excellent drawing of the the tyrannical Turbo Toilet 2000!

Thought I was wearing my 14’s… turns out my 12’s are loose on me! Whoo hoo! Size 10, here I come!! Size, 8, I’m lookin at you next!

I read once that a person’s personality is pretty much set by the time he or she is about 7 years old. My son just turned 7. I have to say, I’m pretty happy with his personality. Of course, it goes without saying that I would love him no matter what kind of personality he ended up with, but I’m happy for him that he is this jubilant, robust, comical little creature who has the innate ability to make any stranger on the street smile just by saying, “HI!!!” like he does, or by doing a dance, or by telling a joke… It’s his mission in life to see people happy. And I truly believe that only good things will come to him because of that. 

Because he is so attuned to what others are feeling however, this also opens him up to be very sensitive himself. He has an artist’s soul… and all the good and bad that comes with that. Overall, the pride I feel in him is overflowing, but I do worry sometimes that as he gets older, he’ll become the target of bullies. That’s why it’s my mission as his mother to steel his self esteem, and teach him to treasure this ability he has to make people laugh, to make any room he walks into lighter and happier. 

I speak on the subject of bullying with some experience, from both sides of the fence actually. When Jakob was in Pre-K, there was a boy, only a year or so older (though, when kids are that young, one year might as well be ten), who would harass Jak endlessly when they were on the playground. This boy, Tyler, we would hear about him occasionally, though since it was not everyday, and he was not in Jak’s class, we told him to make sure his teacher knew when it happened, but did not think there was anything more to do. Then one morning, I got Jak out of bed and he instantly said that he did now want to go. I chalked it up to him being tired, and prodded him out of bed. But at every turn, from getting clothes picked out, to clothes on, to brushing teeth, he would ask and then beg to not have to go to school. His panic increased as the minutes went by, and by the time he was sitting at the breakfast table, he was sobbing, pleading with us to not make him go. I had never - EVER - seen him like this, so I didn’t. As steadfast as I am in the importance of education, even pre-k, he clearly did not feel safe, and I was not going to make him face that alone. 

I called the school to let them know that Jak would not be there that day, and while I was at it, got the school manager on the line and explained why Jak wouldn’t be coming that day. In detail, I told her of his panic, and his pleading. I told her everything Jakob had said about Tyler… he’d been telling us more about him that morning…  and I made it clear that I expected something to be done. As it turns out, we were not the only parents to voice concern about Tyler. And they were already in the process of finding a new school for him. It took about a week, but eventually Tyler did leave, and Jakob was okay for the rest of the year. Looking back now, I wonder if that experience didn’t affect Jakob more than I was aware.

As I said, I have experience with this on both sides of the fence. I hate that we even had to go through this, but it is what it is. When Jakob started Kindergarten, he made a new friend, Danny. Danny is a great kid, and he and Jakob are like two peas in a pod. Jakob had never had a friend as good as Danny before. So when a little girl, Alice, in another class took a shining to Danny at recess, Jakob did not know how to handle this. It was our first real experience with jealousy. Jakob once came home told us about how Alice had been pretending that some rocks she found were eggs (or something like that), had gotten Danny in on whatever game of pretend she was playing, and Jakob, not wanting to share Danny, had just grabbed the rocks and hurled them as far as he could. It broke my heart hearing this story because it was clear that Jakob had no idea how much he could be hurting her by being so mean. He only felt pride in how far he’d managed to throw the rocks. He was sent to his room and not allowed to play with the Wii (which for Jakob is the same thing as literally taking a pound of flesh). We made it clear to him that he was not to go near Alice again. He seemed to understand. We would hear stories still about Alice and how much she liked Danny, but Jak was leaving her alone, so we let it be. Then one day, I went to pick Jak up from school, parked with a few minutes to wait so I took the time to check my voicemail. As it happens, the Vice Principal had called earlier and was asking to see me about Jakob. My stomach dropped, but I gathered Kate and we headed into the school to see him. She played with the lego table he has in his office, while it was explained to me that Jakob and another little boy (not Danny), had been teasing Alice on the playground and it got physical. Alice wears glasses, and Jakob and the other little boy kept grabbing them from her. Over and over, she would get them back but Jakob wouldn’t stop. Finally, in all the grabbing, the glasses broke. Jakob and the other boy were sent to the the VP’s office, and together they all went out to the playground again to look for the lens that was still missing. For as much as I love my son, I was at that moment, feeling the deepest disappointment. As soon as the VP started explaining what had happened, I instantly put myself in the other parents’ shoes, thought about what it would be like to hear that my child had been bullied to the point that her glasses had been broken. I would be livid. And I thought about Alice. How upset she must have been, maybe even scared both by Jakob and at the prospect of having to tell her parents that she would need new glasses. It was all I could do not to start crying right there in the office. I asked him to let the other parents know that Jakob’s parents were so sorry and that we would absolutely be paying for her new glasses. There was 10 minutes left in school, but I went and got Jakob anyway and we headed home. We had some talking to do.

I try not to yell at my kids. I’m not always 100% successful, but I try because I know that if it happens all the time it just becomes white noise and the message is lost. But this day… this day there was no holding back. Jakob and I were both in tears by the end. There was no misunderstanding on his part how I felt. That was also the day that Jakob got the one and only spanking he’s ever gotten. Just like yelling, I really don’t like to do that… I popped his hand a few times when he was a toddler for doing things like trying to stick things in electrical outlets or for reaching for a hot stove burner, but spanking all the time just makes it lose meaning (in addition to the fact that it just teaches that hitting is okay). So on this day, the spanking (and still my stomach turns when I think that I had to do that) drove home just how bad this thing Jakob had done was. This whole episode has only come up once or twice since then, but what Jakob remembers is that bullying is very, very wrong, and you get spanked for it. We haven’t had anymore issues even remotely resembling bullying since.

On a side note, Alice looks very pretty in her new turquoise retro framed glasses.

And so it’s because of these past experiences that I was over the moon thrilled with Jakob’s parent conference report that we got the other day. Sure, if you were able to see the whole thing, you would see that Jakob is high energy, has issues with focusing, and is slightly behind in reading, but the most important part as far as I’m concerned is the very first thing at the top: “Good friend to everyone”

That’s my son — the almost dangerously gregarious, well mannered little boy, who never met a stranger. Everyone is Jakob’s friend. When I got the scan of that report in my email the other day, I finally realized what it means to ‘beam with pride’. I’ve felt huge loads of pride in my kids before for drawings they did, or songs they sang or for being so very caring for one another, but this was different… this was someone else speaking to the core of who Jakob is. This isn’t something taught is school… this is someone seeing Jakob for who he really is, and I’ve never been prouder. 

This is a message from a new FB friend of mine… he’s the first to make reference to my “FitKristen” url on my profile… Perhaps I should have corrected him - afterall, I’m not a trainer… but boy, did it feel good to be seen that way. :)

NEW GOAL!!!

After I get certified as an instructor for TK, HHH, and PiYo, I’m going to do everything required to become a Presenter for Powder Blue Productions! Hell Yeah!